... Out of twenty-two.
Okay. If I'm being honest -- ten full-time, five part-time.
If we only count the full-time sins, I'm still at forty-five per cent. Not too shabby, if you ask me. Although one of my sins may be lying ... or ... drunkeness ... or simply watching Toronto vs Detroit on Leafs TV.
You never know.
Still, I dare you to beat forty-five per cent.
The way I see it, you may as well have nearly half of these attributes if you are going to end up in hell rather than just being ,,, say ... a simple money-lover and condemned to eternal damnation. Why not have a wank and be hypocritical while you're at it?
Try to guess which ones apply to me (hint: it isn't child molester but everything else is fair game).
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Sir Bedevere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us.
Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
Peasant 1: Burn them.
Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches?
Peasant 1: More witches.
Peasant 2: Wood.
Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do witches burn?
Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood?
Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?
Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her.
Sir Bedevere: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?
Peasant 1: Oh yeah.
Sir Bedevere: Does wood sink in water?
Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!
Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?
Peasant 1: Bread.
Peasant 2: Apples.
Peasant 3: Very small rocks.
Peasant 1: Cider.
Peasant 2: Gravy.
Peasant 3: Cherries.
Peasant 1: Mud.
Peasant 2: Churches.
Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!
King Arthur: A Duck.
Sir Bedevere: ...Exactly. So, logically...
Peasant 1: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood.
Sir Bedevere: And therefore...
Peasant 2: ...A witch!
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